Horoscopes

Julia sent me her horoscope that read this was a good month to start a blog - as long as she posted by the 11th. I'm expecting her to make a post any day now...

I was curious as to what mine read, so she sent me a picture.

The picture! The magic!

My zodiac is a piecese. Pices. Piesees. PISCES. 22 years and I still can't spell it. Fuck, why couldn't I be a Cancer? Or Leo? Scorpio? Those are easy to spell. (My birthday is February 20th, by the by. So send me some awesome shit).

Anyway, ever since she had sent this to me I felt that maybe astrology was really awesome and I should be some new age hippie pagan with flowers in my vag. The only thing is I think you have to believe in something first, but I can pretend.

So, let's start from the beginning (using the above picture as a reference):

Mars is being generous this month! Usually Mars is a total asshole because he/she knows that Sailor Jupiter was my crush as a kid, though Mars was a definite hottie! Jupiter had that pony tail though, man... and she was kind of a tom boy.

Sailor Jupiter!

Sailor Mars!

The only Sailor I didn't care for was probably Sailor Venus. She was ripping off Sailor Moon! What the heck. Why do you need two blonde Sailors? Come on Venus, be original.

Alright, back to where I was... On the 13th I will get whatever the hell I ask for. ANYTHING. Or pretty much anything, whatever. I'll let you know how that goes because I haven't decided on what to ask for yet.

Vain Venus (I told you! What a dick) is going to set me up with a D-bag! A D-BAG. What the hell is that? A Doggy bag? A Diabolical bag? A Dessert bag? A Dandy bag? Hell, I don't know. I am kind of looking forward to it now, especially if it is a bag of desserts! Maybe Venus isn't so bad. Oh, that's a dating tip. HOLD UP. If I want this dessert bag I need to break up with Girlfriend to get it? Okay. I'll think about this... depending on if Girlfriend is willing to up the ante and throw in TWO dessert bags, otherwise she is to the curb!

Near the 21st I can take charge in bed, and can tie him up! Let's change him to her, because Girlfriend doesn't have a penis. I think. I have to show her how good my oral skills are after I tie her up. That makes sense. My best oral skill is giving a full script reading of Mulholland Drive, and it's pretty bad...  (not that the movie is, I just can't seem to get it right). Tying her up will keep her from covering her ears and running in terror. I am such a good girlfriend!

What a good girlfriend looks like!
the original is here

So, in lieu of this post I wanted to see what the stars have for me tomorrow. According to this site I have this to look forward to:

Romance is front and center today, Pisces, as you're probably feeling especially passionate. This is a great day to plan an intimate evening with a lover. Make use of candles, muted lights, and soft music. You're apt to be feeling especially passionate about your other interests, whether they're intellectual, creative, or business oriented. You can expect to spend a lot of time pursuing your passions, no matter what they are.

Why am I feeling especially passionate, you may ask? Because my monthly menstrual cycle is coming towards the end and I get all frisky! Woo! Too much? Fuck that noise, you can handle it. I can handle it! Together, we can handle it!

I have planned an evening with my lover, and it's only intimate if you count getting trashed off margarita's with my sisters as "intimate". It is certainly family bonding! I'll light some candles and turn off some lights, we'll watch a movie with soft music. It'll be quite the night!

I don't understand what the rest of it is saying.

So, there you have it! I am now a hippie pagan dolphin lover.

Rachael

Pictures of the Sailors are from here and here!