Heroic Tale

This may or may not be true, depending on what your perception of reality is.

I was leaving home for school, doing my usual humdrum routine. I had my backpack, had my homework, and had my shrunken head in a zip lock bag. Now all I needed was a touch of cool. Girlfriend's sunglasses stood there on the table, their black gleaming back at me... Take me they said. They taunted me. Their Oakley label lookin mighty fine on the side. I grabbed them, ready to go. Girlfriend showed up to "give me a kiss goodbye" (I knew she was really just going to try and beat me up and take the glasses back!) Before she could say anything I asked, "Hey gurl, can I wear these?" I was already wearing them, but whatever.

"Sure, but only if you give me a kiss," she thinks she is soooo cute.

"I'll punch you if you don't!"

"Okay, okay, just take them."

And I did! I didn't need her permission. I punched her anyway, just for good measure. Showed her what I'm made of. These glasses made me a BEAST.

Driving with these things was a trip. Everything looked more enhanced, hyper-real. I looked in the rear view mirror once and saw the car behind me (it was an accident, I was trying to gaze at my beauty but caught a glimpse of them). I saw checkers on the back window. Did the other car see them too? I bet he did! I have been living a sham all these years. My 12 dollar Target sunglasses never unlocked the secret of the checkerboard windows! On my way to the coffee shop I played a game with the car behind me.

He won, that bastard.

I had to get a soy chai tea latte before I went to school, to unleash my full power. That went easy enough.... but while I drove my car away I happened to run over something. It made a thump, then a crunch, another thump, one last crunch, and finally a thumpy spppllluuuuush.

And that is the story of how I got 10 years for hitting an elderly couple.

Rachael